Honest Blogging

Wow.

It’s been awhile, everyone.

I’ve been around, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to blog for pretty personal and fairly serious reasons surrounding some events that happened in July. Life moves on, though. In the last months, I was employed… And now unemployed again, and I formatted Fugitive Rising, which is getting ready to publish in January.

I did finally meet my July goals for gaming, at least in regards of finishing up SWTOR and getting Legendary Status, and everything around me, as always, continues to change.

Some things, though, stay the same.

Most troubling are my insecurities.

Self-loathing and flagellation continue to be daily rituals, though ones I’m slowly learning to overcome with the careful application of meditation and mindfulness  I’ve officially received diagnoses on a few things that have helped me gain perspective on those same old things.

Thankfully, I’ve known the loyalty of true friends seldom changes, and that such grounding presences can help me maintain my sense of stability. I’ve struggled on and off with this inability I have to trust people and be honest with them, bu I’m learning slowly the faithful and kind don’t abandon you just because part of your reality is unpleasant.

So yes, a lot has changed, including me.

I’m never going to be the same person who started this blog, but I think that’s okay, because I’m learning to accept that some change — even in myself — can be good.

And with that comes change in the way I write, though not in what I’m writing.

I’ve really been forced to evaluate what writing means to me and why I do it, and have learned that I do it for myself as much as I do it for other people. Communication may be useless without an audience, but it equally useless without a message to communicate.

I want to communicate with all of you more clearly now.

I want you to hear my words and understand them.

Each person who is a part of my audience has a story to tell me, and can take something different from all of my stories. I want to communicate to you so many wonderful things, and the best way to do that is to be honest and forthright.

With that in mind, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for being here and reading what I do write.

Hopefully, in the future, I’ll have some better content.

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2 thoughts on “Honest Blogging

  1. I also struggle to find the purpose of writing when I feel like no one is reading. Yeah, even I feel that way a lot — whether it’s true or not, I can’t really know. I think it’s a pretty common thing, boosted by the outlook of the Internet now days. There’s so many people “around” us, we feel we must find an audience, and if we don’t, we’ve failed or suck as writers or suck as people or… etc.

    I have a post in mind to talk about this eventually. I just have to get my thoughts in order.

    But trust me, some days I feel beat down about struggling to keep people engaged in my projects. Over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s worse for me to give up and stop creating them, though.

    Because though creative folks want to communicate, especially those of us who struggle to communicate through other means, it’s hard to know when something you’ve said or created has touched someone else… and they just don’t have the ability to communicate that to you in return. There are many silent watchers online.

    I think the only way to combat that is to stop being a silent watcher, myself. So I do put some effort into writing comments, like this one, because those comments are part of communication, and it often means a lot to the creator. We know how it feels to pour our souls out to silence. We can choose to prevent that for others, and that’s important.

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    1. It’s hard to feel like no one cares about your message. It was what stopped me from writing for literally years. I had to get over this idea that my stuff didn’t have any value just because readers can sometimes be shy. It took me awhile to realize that there are plenty of people out there who want to read what I write and who enjoy what I’m writing, they just might not be able to talk to me.

      As a writer, though, I do like to give feedback to the other authors I like, because I do know how valuable it is. I want people to tell me what my writing makes them feel, and why it’s important to them, so I always try to give feedback. Sometimes it’s criticism, if they ask for it, but usually it’s communicating to them how their work inspired and connected to me.

      Like

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